Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Intimidation is defined as something that makes you timid or fearful. Unfortunately, as a mother of three, I've found that the list of things that make me timid and fearful, keeps growing, almost daily. Things that wouldn't intimidate your average twenty-something...can completely intimidate the pants off of your average twenty-something year old mother...translation--Me. I've compiled a list of persons and things which intimidate me, add your own as you see fit.

1. Caked on greasy pans
2. Cooking fish for dinner, unless it's in the shape of a stick.
3. Fresh herbs, can I eat the stems?
4. Restaurants with cloth napkins.
5. Restaurants with glassware.
6. Restaurants.
7. Salespeople from any clothing store that doesn't have the word 'mart in it.
8. The Fine China department at Macy's.
9. Moms who wear low rise jeans.
10. Any kind of beef that isn't ground.
11. Leaving my home with a newly potty trained child.
12. Moms who have "wash windows" on their to-do list.
13. Moms who actually write a to-do list.
14. Defrosting a chicken in time for dinner.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Next Suburban Inventor

As I trudge through my household duties with my three little ones, yet again, I can't help but imagine that there's gotta be a way to avoid some of the stressful situations that unfold throughout the week. Someone, somewhere, has got to come up with some "helpers" for we, stay at home moms. Our comradery as stay at home moms, lies in that we all struggle juggling our duties, while taking care of our children. I've come up with a list of helpful inventions, if you will, that might come in handy for some of you who struggle with the same mundane tasks as I. My hopes are that these inventions would ease the load of our duties, and in turn, better our lives.

1)The Arm Extender: not only used to reach objects high up, as the name suggests, also very useful in reaching numerous toys, snacks, pacifiers etc. from floor of vehicle, while driving the vehicle. Proven to be much safer than driver reaching behind seat to reach items to appease children, while steering car with knee.

2)The Baby Box: A plexi-glass like box, with large air hole, that fits over top of toddler while in stroller. Primarily used to restrict child from pulling down shelve loads of merchandise in grocery stores, clothing stores, etc. Also very effective with double strollers, in keeping child riding in back, from ripping hair out of head of child riding in front. Overall, a real shopping must-have.

3)The Grocery Belt: A sturdy belt you wear when unloading groceries, with large loopholes that attach to grocery bags, to ease the load of carrying in grocery bags, while simultaneously carrying in squirming toddler. A personal favorite of mine, this baby cuts your grocery transport time in half, and also eliminates the dreaded wrestling of food from toddler's hands, as he ransacks the bags that you leave at the top of the stairs.

These are my personal favorites...let me know if you have any to add...

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Serenity NOW


Get this Seinpost

You remember the Seinfeld episode don't you? George's Dad was trying to manage his frustration, and destress himself, and so he decided to repeat, "Serenity Now" every time he felt his blood pressure rising. I, in turn, have decided to also use this method of decompressing while at home with my three little wonders. I've found this to be effective, especially in dealing with my 20 month olds, massive daily destruction. If your morning jog route happens to be by my home, you may hear me screaming, "Serenity Now", on occasion.

In addition to this method, I have also taken it upon myself to write a little prayer, to be sent up to the good Lord, on those real hairy days. This prayer may sound a bit familiar...feel free to use it also, as needed.

Mama's Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept that no matter what I clean,
my baby will minutes later, destroy it.
Give me courage to pry cleaning chemicals,
hand lotions, and precious valuables from his chubby little fists.
Give me wisdom in outsmarting him, and hiding these things high enough
that he may never be able to reach them again.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Mama Scissorhands

I can't put my finger on why it is, but I am completely obsessed with cutting my kids' hair. And...I am completely and utterly terrible at it. Maybe I have some sort of subconscious love of haircare, but honestly, the obsession has turned quite ugly. Literally.

Fortunately, my three year old is terrified of the hair salon, so I get my practice cuts on him, and his little brother. It's pretty hilarious actually, my methods, that is. For instance, when I am cutting my baby's hair, typically I bribe him to sit in a chair out on the porch, with some sort of pop. He then proceeds to take the pop and wriggle his way out of the chair, all the while I am cutting and cutting at his chocolate locks. And as I cut each strand, it falls down onto his face, where it lands right onto his sticky mouth. And there it stays. Sometimes, it even lands in his mouth. When that happens, he usually grabs at his tongue with his free hand, (also covered in hair), and shouts, "Mama, yu-yuck." You'd think that would prompt me to take him to the barber...nope, I like a challenge. So I proceed to chase him around the yard with a pair of scissors, and snip every time he pauses. Let's just say, he will be sporting the "layered" and "messy" look for awhile.

But today, my baby's hair was not the problem. My middle son has this fear of the salon. I've tried many different places, even the real expensive kid's ones, that make it pretty much like a party every time you get your hair cut. Nope, he won't do it. He refuses the prizes, and the cut. So, as his sideburns started to creep around his chin this weekend, I decided that it was time for me to dust off the ol' shears. I told him that if he didn't let me cut his hair, I would have to take him to the haircut lady. He promptly complied.

My skills are what you'd call progressive. When I first begin the cut, I completely forget what I am doing, what number is the shortest, and how to even hold the scissors. I begin to sweat and my pulse races. My son senses my incompetence and begins his hour long taunting of, "can I get down yet?" Usually, about ten minutes into the cut though, I figure out what I'm doing. Just like riding a bike. What happened today though, has got to be my worst performance yet.

I began his cut with the clippers, and was just starting to get the hang of them when, oops! "MAMA, my ear, it hurts so bad!!" And then the tears...I thought those clippers were supposed to be safe...I'm going to have to sue Conair. Anyway, it's sounds much worse then it was, and I quickly grabbed a red towel, (we, moms know what that means), and I managed to calm my son.

Maybe it was the Holy Spirit, or maybe it was the fact that I had to use chicken shears because I couldn't find the haircutting scissors, but something inside of me said, "Stop Now!" A few more uneven snips off the top, and I knew I was in over my head. I approached my son with yet another offer, and told him that if we went to the haircut lady, she would cut it real fast...and I would buy him a toy. And wouldn't you know, he agreed. Unbelievable.

A quick shower later, and I had loaded up all the kids and were on our way to Costcutters. I was slightly mortified to tell the lady that I had butchered my son's hair, especially when she looked at all three of my kids and said, "Oh...he must be the one." But I humbly took my seat and watched in awe as my son conquered one of his biggest fears, right before my eyes. I couldn't believe it. He sat like such a big boy and actually got his hair fuss, no nothing. And I even heard him talking to the lady! Another major feat! And I didn't even mind as I overheard him tell the lady, "and Daddy was very mad at us!" I had no idea what he was talking about...but I didn't care. I was just so happy that his hair was fixed, and his fear was gone.
Maybe, it wasn't such a bad idea to cut his hair after all.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Sunday's Best

Sunday mornings at my home are completely chaotic. My husband and I usually try to grab every last second of sleep we can, before we have to get up for church. We procrastinate to the very last second. As we are lying in bed, we convince ourselves that it is totally possible to get five people dressed and ready in 35 minutes. We are foolish. It can't be done.

No surprise to me, this morning was no different. As I felt my son jump on my bed and nearly crack my shin, I rolled over and asked my incoherent husband what time it was. He mumbled, "around 7." Well, if it's only 7am, and we have to leave for worship practice by 9:15, then we've got another half hour to sleep. As I strolled into the playroom to bribe my children to watch a show so I could steal some shuteye, I passed by the clock and it said 7:55! That guy better start repenting!

Long story short, the mad dash to find clothes for everyone began. I managed to dress everyone but myself. I literally took out every article of clothing from my closet and tried it on, but to no avail. On Sunday's, I attempt to retire my olive oil stained cotton t-shirts, and ripped up jeans, for something, a bit well...cleaner. Yeah, I'm not worried about some major frilly dress here, just basic, out-in-public attire. But this morning, nope...could not be done. I couldn't find anything. By the time I was dressed, my room looked like it had been ransacked by wild animals. I'm lucky I made it out of there alive.
Contrary to the distress of this morning, I managed to walk away with some very useful lessons for the future. I'd like to share them with you.

What I learned this morning:

1)You gain at least 10 pounds on Sunday mornings.

2)Never eat potato chips on Saturday night. Even if they're baked.

3)Kmart has a surprisingly fashionable clothing line, when you're in a pinch.

4)If you trash your bedroom getting dressed for church, the mess will still be there when you get home.

5)My dryer is broken, it shrinks all my clothes.

6)There is no shame in wearing Spanx.

7)When God said, "May your cup overfloweth," He did not mean, take a second helping.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Sincerely Sunday

A Good Mourning

I recently experienced a loss, one that I didn't see coming, yet always feared. It was a shock to my system, and beliefs, but only for a short while. I am here not to dwell on the pain of loss, but to tell you about an awesome restoration. Somehow, someway, God has turned a day that ranked as the worst in my life, into a day that has begun to change and replenish my life.

Through bible study and prayer in a time where I didn't want to pray or even look at my bible, He has completely opened my eyes to His plan and has graciously and miraculously allowed me to not only accept His will, but understand it as well. For that I am truly grateful, as it is one thing to accept something you can't change, but to see the perspective behind it, that is a great peace giver.

Before this happened, I was in a very slothful way with my everyday life, and most importantly with God. I was fine with "just doing enough," and honestly would've probably continued in that pattern, if not for this loss to catch my attention. Though I don't believe God allows suffering and pain only to get our attention, I do believe he can turn a completely traumatic and devastating event, into one that pushes you forward, and towards Him. And I believe and understand my loss as that. Our relationship with God is not meant to be on the "do just enough to get by" list. He won't stand for it.

God opened my eyes to the vulnerability we as humans have, especially when we make Him less than a priority in our life. An event that I would've once thought would crush my spirit, has actually lifted my spirit, and pointed me to Him. Does this revelation take away the pain I felt that day? Nope. I still felt it, deeper than anything I've ever felt. But He knows that. He was there. God doesn't claim to erase the pain you feel, He just promises to restore your joy.

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